Many people know that instead of soap, Gandhiji used a stone to scrub himself. Very few people, however, know how precious this stone, given by Miraben, was to Gandhiji.
This happened during the Noakhali march, when Gandhiji and others halted at a village called Narayanpur. During the march, the responsibility of looking after this particular stone, along with other things, lay with Manuben. Unfortunately, though, she forgot the stone at the last halting place.
"I want you to go back and look for the stone," said Bapu. "Only then will you not forget it the next time." "May I take a volunteer with me?" "Why?"
Poor Manu. She did not have the courage to say that the way back lay through forests of coconut and supari, (betel nut) so dense that a stranger might easily lose his way. Moreover, it was the time of riots. How could she go back alone?
But go she did, and alone; after all she had committed the error. Leaving Narayanpur at 9:30 in the morning, Manu trudged along the forest path, taking the name of Ram as she went.
On reaching the village she went straight to the weaver's house that had been their last halt. An old woman lived there. And she had thrown the stone away. When Manuben found it after a difficult search her joy knew no bounds.
Carrying the precious stone, she returned to Narayanpur by late afternoon. Placing it in Bapu's lap she burst into tears.
"You have no idea how happy I feel. This stone has been my cherished companion for the past twenty-five years. Whether in prison or in a palace it has been with me. Had it been lost it would have distressed me and Miraben as well. Now, you have seen that every useful thing is worth taking care of, even a stone."
Manuben said, "Bapu, if ever I took Ramanaam with all my heart it was today." Bapu laughed and replied, "Oh yes, one remembers the Lord only when one is in trouble."
Thought
Forgiveness is such an easy word to say. People say it all the time, but rarely do they mean it.
She meant it when she told him that she forgave him; he meant it when he said it back. They held hands as they talked. His was weak in hers, cold and clammy.
Holding her tears in as much as she could, her chin trembling and her vision clouded, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. This was their last kiss. It was their last moment together before he was gone from her life for good. Beth was watching them through the side window. Ashlee could feel her glare on her skin, but she didn’t care. This was her time to say what she needed to say and for Coop to really hear her.
His blue green eyes were dulling, losing the light that always seemed to shine in them. She touched his forehead, gently grazing the lump and bruise at his hair line. He turned into her touch. “I’m going to miss us. I already miss you, Coop. You were my first love…my only love. I’m so lucky that you once loved me back.”
Loosening her fingers around his, she started to walk away. Coop tightened his hold and tugged on her hand gently. Ashlee paused, moving back to his side. His tongue peeked out to moisten his dry lips. He took in a wheezing breath and opened his mouth. “I was the lucky one Ashlee,” he closed his eyes against the pain she could see on his face. “I love you.”
When he tried to say more she placed a finger to his lips. This time she was unable to stop a tear from sliding down her face. He asked her not to cry for him, but that was impossible. She was losing everything right now. She was dying right along side of him. “Shush,” Ashlee whispered. “I love you too, Coop Cooper.” She paused to control her voice and he opened his eyes. “We’ll meet again.”
The heart monitor beeped in the corner as she gave into the need to kiss him again. Lightly she brushed her lips against his then leaned down and pressed her ear to his chest. She wanted the last sound she heard to be his heart beating in his chest. Ashlee looked through the window and locked eyes with Beth. The older woman just stared at her. Her expression was blank, but her eyes were sharp. Ashlee lifted her head and let go of his fingers then walked out of his hospital room.
“Ashlee,” Beth gripped her arm as she passed. Her tone was filled with jealousy over how close Coop and Ashlee were in his hospital room. Ashlee yanked her arm away from Beth’s grasp, all the anger over Coop’s situation and Beth’s role in his death flooding her at once.
She leaned in closely to the old woman and hissed, “Everyone is acting like it was only Alan’s fault that Coop is in there fighting for his life, but you and I know the truth, don’t we Beth?” She glared at the other blonde, forcing all her hatred for her through her blue eyes. “I hope you can’t live with yourself. I hope you find it impossible to sleep easy knowing that you killed a beautiful, special man. Coop deserved better than you and you should have been an adult and walked away. Instead you acted like a selfish child. And Coop’s paying for it. How does it feel Beth, knowing that you took Coop away from Buzz forever?”
“He is the one that was on the road,” Beth said feebly.
“And you are the reason he was,” Ashlee returned hotly. “Alan called him, but you are the one that couldn’t walk away. You knew Alan would be pissed and lash out when you started this stupid affair. This whole,” she waved her hand toward where Coop was laying, “thing is your fault. Buzz has to bury his son because of you. Everyone else might be letting you off the hook, but I’m not.”
She walked away from Beth as quickly as her legs could take her. The pain in her chest was making it difficult to breathe. Rounding the corner, she pressed her back into the wall of the hallway and slipped to the ground. Her legs were unable to support her any longer. Ashlee pressed her palm to her lips, sobbing all of her sadness into her hand. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing through her tears. She didn’t know why she bothered she felt like she was already dead, what did she need oxygen for?
Buzz walked past her, unaware that she was even on the floor. He has been in a daze since all of this started. She understood the feeling. Using the wall for support, she climbed to her feet and stumbled out of the hospital. She knew the end was coming and didn’t want to be around when it did.
Ashlee got into her car and started driving. At the first stop light she came to, she looked off to the right and saw a fast food place. The emptiness inside of her begged to be filled and she made the quick decision to pull into the drive-thru. It’s been so long since she looked at one of these large menu signs. Sure the desire to go has been there always, sometimes it was greater than others, but she always found a way to stop temptation from winning. Today, though, Ashlee just didn’t care. Rolling down her window, she leaned out and waited for the crackly voice to come through the speaker. “May I take your order?”
“Yes, um,” she paused and took a deep breath. “I’ll have a number four with a diet coke.”
“Would you like that large sized?”
Swallowing, Ashlee had to pause again. The demons at her side were clawing at her back, whispering in her ear, ‘just do it,’ they hissed. “No thank you,” she said finally.
“Alright, your total is five ninety-eight. Please pull to the first window.”
Paying for her food, she pulled to the second window and took the bag of greasiness from the worker. The smell coming from the paper was a mixture of delicious and sickening. Ashlee drove the rest of the way home, parking in her assigned spot then climbing out of the car with her bag of food. She entered her apartment and was immediately greeted by Moxie. Placing the bag on the kitchen counter, she took a moment to drop to her knees and hug the sweet mutt’s neck. More tears leaked from her eyes, the black hole in her chest expanded further and she reached up for the food.
Ashlee spent the next few minutes stuffing her face with the large burger and greasy fries, all the while hating herself for wanting more. Moxie curled into her side as she sobbed and ate.
=~=~=
Buzz pulled one of the doctors aside. “He’s in a coma. Will he ever wake up again?”
“Mr. Cooper,” the doctor with graying hair named Jake Mullins, sighed. “I don’t want to get your hopes up. His brain activity is strong right now, but with the blood still seeping in…” He dropped his voice. “I would suggest a long term care facility. I just have to warn you that is costly.”
Buzz opened his mouth but was cut off by another voice, “I’ll pay for it,” Philip came out of the shadows. “It’s the least that I can do. My father is the one that caused this whole accident.”
“I don’t want anyone to know,” Buzz hissed, “Especially Beth and your father if we move him.”
“Okay,” Philip said with a nod. “How are you going to make everyone believe that Coop isn’t still alive?”
“I’m going to pull the plug,” Buzz replied his voice much rougher than normal. “How are you going to keep Alan and Beth from finding out about him?”
“Right now Alan’s focused on me being back and Beth has a lot of guilt about this situation, especially after Ashlee laid all the blame at her feet.” Philip sighed. “They won’t even notice.”
“Alright,” Buzz turned back to the doctor. “Do you have a list of possible places?” At the doctor’s nod, all three men walked into the doctor’s office and picked a place for Coop to get better.
=~=~=
It was four in the afternoon when she got the call that he was gone. It was four in the afternoon when she curled up with Moxie on her bed, the phone tucked into her chest and she sobbed her eyes out. It was four in the afternoon when the last bit of her heart shriveled up and died under her ribcage. Ashlee closed her eyes and prayed for someone to take the pain away.
=~=~=
Beth held the letter that Buzz gave her from Coop in her hand and read the words he wrote. Buzz told her that he said this right before he died. She curled up on her bed and wiped at the tears on her cheeks.
“Dear Beth,
I’m sorry that our story ended like this. Please live your life and know that I don’t regret what we had. It was what I needed, what you needed at the time and it will forever be a special time. I hope you find the happiness that you were searching for.
Goodbye,
Coop”
=~=~=
Ashlee opened the door to her apartment and stared at the person standing there. She held out her arms and Buzz stepped into them. They held each other tightly, both mourning the loss of a man they both loved. Her body sagged and he held her up.
“He loved you, Ashlee,” he whispered into her ear. “He said your name as they took him off the machines.” She hiccupped and sobbed into his shoulder. “I have something for you, but you can’t open it yet. I want you to wait awhile to read it.”
She pulled away and nodded. “Okay,” swallowing she held his face in her hand. “I’m sorry I hurt him Buzz. Part of this was my fault, I shouldn’t have left him. If I hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been with Beth and…”
“Ashlee,” he opened his mouth to continue then stopped before saying, “It isn’t your fault. Coop loved you and never regretted a minute he spent with you at his side.”
They held each other again then pulled apart. He left her with the envelope in her hand. She crumbled it up and pressed it to her mouth. The coldness spread throughout her again and she dropped to the ground. Who knew she had so many tears left inside of her?
=~=~=
The funeral was simple. Black suits and dresses, tears flowing like rivers down everyone’s cheeks and his picture next to the small silver urn that held his ashes. She sat behind the Cooper family. Her blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail and her hands were clasped so tightly together that her knuckles were white. She listened to everyone talk about him. Past tense, all the words they spoke were past tense, but for her he was still very much a part of her present.
When it was her turn, she stood on shaky legs and walked to the podium. Ashlee looked out at the crowd of people that loved him, licking her lips. “Coop is- was my best friend.” She swallowed. “He always stood beside me when I needed support and walked in front of me when I needed protection. His heart was large and generous. He gave his loved ones all of himself and never asked for anything in return.” Her voice cracked and she paused to control herself. “The world not only lost a beautiful man, but also an amazing spirit. The sun doesn’t look as bright, the sky doesn’t seem as blue and the world feels a little emptier.” She turned to the shiny urn and wiped at the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. “I miss you Coop Cooper. And I’ll love you forever. Thank you for loving me while you were here.” She stepped down from the step and rushed from the church.
She didn’t stop until she reached her car which was packed with her things. The letter Buzz gave her from Coop was still unopened on her passenger front seat. Looking through the windshield, she saw him staring back at her. Ashlee tried to smile at the man she considered a father, but didn’t have any smiles left inside of her. Cranking the car, she pulled out of the parking lot, stopping at her apartment only to pick up Moxie and headed for the highway. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she couldn’t stay in Springfield without him.
Driving west, she placed her sunglasses on her face to hide the tears that were still falling and grabbed her cell phone. Ashlee dialed her mother’s number and breathed a sigh of relief that she immediately got her voice mail. “Mom, I love you, but I can’t stay in Springfield anymore. I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I’ll call you once I do. Good-bye.”
Throwing the cell phone in her purse, Ashlee rubbed Moxie’s neck and continued to drive toward the sun, trying to leave her pain in the town that was now in her rearview mirror.
Posts
